The Fight

• Joe: Well Dave, there is no question that this fight has the largest weight disparity of all the first round matchups!

• Dave: Absolutely, and Franco knows how to throw that weight around, and he also knows how to throw his money around too, as he heaves his cash register at Realtor Man!!!

• 

  Joe: He misses the throw, as Realtor ducks out of the way and wallops Franco upside the head with his cell phone!

  ((Cheers!!))

• Dave: Ala, Tyra Banks!

• Joe: My god! I believe Franco has an early gusher, he's bleeding like a stuffed pig and motioning to Matt K, who seems to be holding a book in his hand.

• Dave: Matt, sensing that the Giant is in early trouble is grabbing the mic and reading gospels from...the bible?!!

  ((Realtor Man covers his ears in pain!!))

• Joe: Something must be done, Realtor Man has become distracted and woozy by Matt: 316's words of gospel.

• 

  Dave: Franco has seized the momentum and is trying to choke out Realtor with his neck tie.

• Joe: Mitzy has a look of concern on her face, as her husband is gasping for air, as he reaches out for the ropes, while the Giant lays all his weight on him.

  

• Dave: Wait a minute, she is going to the other side of the ring toward Matt, she seems to be trying to get his attention, what could this be about? Perhaps she is trying to persuade him to stop his preaching.

• Joe: I dont really...Oh MY GOD!! She's FLASHING him!!! This is unfreaking believably AWESOME!!!

  ((Crowd Roars and hoots!!!))

  Dave: Joe, Matt has stopped in his tracks, he's completely mesmerized!!! I think he's in a trance!!

• Joe: This crowd is on their feet, they can't believe it!

• Dave: Well I know I got my money's worth!

• Joe: Now she's on the apron, this could get dangerous. Giant Franco has released his hold and is confronting Mitzy at the ropes.

• Dave: What is that in her hand?

• 

  Joe: She just sprayed Franco with Mace!!! He's stumbling and bumbling around in a frenzy and rubbing his eyes, I love it!!!((Realtor man gets up and prepares to body slam Franco)

• Joe: HE DID IT!!, He grandslammed the 350 lb giant!!!

  ((Large cheers!!!))

• Dave: Ala, Hogan vs. Andre at WrestleMania 3!!!

• Joe: The bloody Franco is struggling to get up, Realtor is stalking him from behind. Franco turns around!

  ((Crowd erupts!!!))

• Joe:”Foreclosure DDT!!! Foreclosure DDT!!!”

  Dave: 1...2...3!!!It's over.

  ((Crowd Goes Crazy!!!))

• Joe: Realtor Man wins!!!

• 

  Dave: Joe, look at him celebrate, he's stripped down to his boxers and is running around outside the ring, like a mad man!

• Joe: Well, don't we all hate pants, Dave?

  ((Real American blasts throughout the arena.)

• Joe: Well, Dave, Realtor Man will have a few weeks to celebrate this big win, before he has to prepare for his next challenge.

• Dave: Yes, this is only the beginning, he will face the winner of the J-Cool/Boozemaster fight next, that should be very interesting.

• Joe: That's right Dave, will it be friend against friend? Or brother against brother? We'll have to see how it all plays out, but until then, good night everybody and see you on Sunday for the next, first round fight of the Ultimate Fantasy Fighters Tournament!!!

Next: Josh "My Gosh" Konnors vs. "I Maim' James (Voting begins Sunday!!)

UFF Quarter-Finals		UFF Semi-Finals		UFF CHAMPIONSHIP FINALS!
	Realtor Man Gm 1: 8/4/06 Giant Franco
			Realtor Man Gm 5: 9/1/06 Winner of 2
					Winner of 5 Gm 7: 9/24/06 Winner of 6
	J-Cool Gm 2: 8/18/06 Boozemaster
	Josh "My Gosh'" Gm 3: 8/11/06 "I Maim" James
			Winner of 3 Gm 6: 9/8/06 Winner of 4
	"Ace" Compton Gm 4: 8/25/06 Rumblin' Rosie

Off-season additions- “The Good, The bad, and The Ugly.”

By. Gridiron Guru

Good:

• Keyshaun Johnson to the Carolina Panthers- This Gives Jake Delhomme two viable receiving options, along with Steve Smith which will likely effect everyone's fantasy numbers on a positive level. Smith will see less single coverage, Keyshaun will get more looks in this vertical offense and more room will be created in the running game. This will be a top five offense.

• Daunte Culpepper to the Miami Dolphins- If for no other reason then because of who the Dolphins have employed at this position since Dan Marino called it quits several years ago. Culpepper has a rocket for an arm, though he will likely lose some of his mobility due to his injury last season. The good news is that he should be ready to play in the Thursday night opener and should also provide some stability in the passing game. The real benefactor will be Chris Chambers, who should be in for a monster year if Culpepper can stay on the field.

• Chester Taylor to the Minnesota Vikings- Could be this year's LaMont Jordan. This is his first chance as a full-time starter in the NFL and he will be playing behind one of the most improved lines in the game. It is only a matter of time before he is officially named the starter, which should happen early in preseason.

• Steve McNair to The Baltimore Ravens- I really like this move for several reasons, one it takes the erratic, Kyle Boller out of the equation and gives the Ravens a legitimate starter at Quarter back. Secondly, it reunites McNair with his favorite receiver, in Derrick Mason, and thirdly, it boosts the stock of Mark Clayton and tight end, Todd Heap, who should quickly become one of McNair's favorite targets. This move helps almost all the Raven's offensive players.

Bad:

• Mike Anderson to the Baltimore Ravens- One position it doesn't help is at backup running back, which is where Anderson will be relegated for at least the start of the season. This coming after his big 2005 season, in which he was a goal line beast. Though he could be a steal in the later rounds if starter, Jamal Lewis goes down to injury or continues to struggle.

• Martin Gramatica to the New England Patriots- Why would you let one of the greatest kickers in NFL history go and replace him with aging and washed up Gramatica? Enough said. I mean, was that the best they could come up with?

• Antoine Randle El to the Washington Redskins- For some reason I don't see this as a natural fit. Mainly because the skins run a pretty “meat and potatoes” type offense and Randle El has yet to show that he can be an effective every down wide out. His presence also clutters the field for Brandon Lloyd and Santana Moss.

Ugly:

• Drew Brees to the New Orleans Saints- This move could work down the road, but this season might be a struggle since there are so many new pieces to jell together. Brees needs to get some games under his belt coming off an injury, before he makes a safe play on your fantasy team. Right now I'd take him as a top back up. He is certainly an upgrade over Aaron Brooks and will get better as the season continues.

• Reggie Bush to the New Orleans Saints- Again, for now things could be messy. We need to see how Coach Payton plans on using two premiere backs. One thing we know for sure is that Deuce McAllister will be adversely effected by Bush's presence. They are limited together, but still worth looking at in the mid-rounds. Especially Bush, since Deuce is coming off a major injury and doesn't have as fresh of legs.

• Edgerin James to the Arizona Cardinals- I'm still fairly high on him, but questions still linger concerning the Cardinal's offensive line. Also will there be enough balls to go around sharing the field with two of the best receivers in the NFL, today. I think he is worth the risk, even with the questions. Just proceed with caution.

  Have questions? Send your comments to the Gridiron Guru and make sure to come and check out the “Fantasy Football Q&A special” this Tuesday!

***Doctor J is on a two week leave, enjoying his summer retreat in Hawaii, filling in for the good doctor this week is The Gridiron Guru...and surprise! This week he has dug into Doctor J's bag of letters and pulled out a question from another one of the doctor's crazy sports fans. 

"Hello all, lets get right to this week's mail." -GG.

 Dear Doctor J,

With the NFL preseason rapidly approaching, I was wondering how you think Quarter back, Donavan McNabb of the Philadelphia Eagles will fare this coming season now that he has lost his best receiver from a year ago, due to his own selfish and “me first” behavior? And don't you think Rush was right about him all along?

-T. (my last names not Reid) Owens, Dallas TX.

Dear T. Owens,

While it is true that Todd Pinkston was a crucial part of the Eagles past dominance over the rest of the NFC, I wouldn't say that his absence due to injury was the sole reason for the Eagles fall from grace last season. I think a lot of it had to do with the Redskins, Cowboys and Giants as much, as anything else. McNabb is not completely blameless, however. His accuracy, especially in the pocket has never been as sharp as his delivery of lines in those classic soup commercials. To make a short answer long, look for McNabb to put up decent numbers, so long as he can still move his legs and his mom continues to call out plays from the sidelines. Still, final record: 7-9.

-Gridiron Guru.

***Next Tuesday: Gridiron Guru's "Fantasy Football Q&A Special." -The Guru will fill in to answer your fantasy questions.

Opening Soon!

JSM CAFE: SPORTS Grand Opening is August 14th! Your new home for: NFL Football analysis Fantasy Football Coverage MLB Notes News from Professional Wrestling and extreme sports ***Attention readers: The Gridiron Guru is inviting you to send in Fantasy Football questions for the upcoming season.  You can send them one of two ways.  Either as a private comment or by emailing them direct to: Nessie80@aol.com.  Send your questions and the Guru will answer them in his new column, soon to be exclusive to jsmcafesports.blogstream.com